Like my self-portrait? I filled it with words of struggle, pain, and hope. It’s a self-portrait that embodies my wrestlings…

I was diagnosed a few years ago with something called POTS–postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. Translated, this means standing up is very hard for me. Anyone else out there with me?

I recently went to Dr. Suleman at the Heartbeat clinic. Great doc. He gave me a few more fresh long-term diagnoses to add to the POTS. (Wouldn’t that be nice if the medical profession handed you fresh flowers, too?  “Here’s a dozen roses to soften your bad news, ma’am.” No such luck.)

I’ve gone through a bit of wrestling with God over my health lately. And I thought maybe I should share my thoughts. After all, maybe you’re wrangling with God over some bad news, too. Maybe we can help each other.

Here is one of my ‘gripes’ directed heavenward: Hey God, what about those promises in your Word? Like ‘no harm will overtake you…” Psalm 91. Or ‘…the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick.’ James 5. It’s just not happening, God. Why not? What about all the “if/then” statements in Deuteronomy 28? “If you obey, then I will bless you.” I’ve done the obedience thing. Okay…imperfectly. But I’ve done it nonetheless. Where are the blessings, God?

Do you struggle with questions like these?

I’ve found God is answering me. But mostly, I’m realizing it’s okay to grapple with these concepts. Life is hard. In the Bible, there’s this story of Jacob–an Old Testament heavyweight–wrestling with God. The scuffle changed the course of his life. After wrangling all night, Jacob wouldn’t give up until he got something…”‘I will not let you go unless you bless me.'”(Genesis 32:26) God changed his name to “Israel” and he became the father of the Israelite nation. Jacob walked away from the situation with a limp because God touched the socket of his left hip, permanently displacing it. Every time he took a step from that day forward, he was reminded of that night of striving. And the blessing he received.

Wrestling can result in blessing, if we just ask for it.

What spiritual questions have you grappled with? Share them in the comments below.

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